Wrinkles Offer No Protection Against Crime or STDs. Ewwww.

We are pleased to report that the world’s oldest woman (no, not Joan Rivers) has just turned 130 in the Soviet Republic of Georgia.

But we feel obligated to warn Antisa Khvichava that her health and longevity could be at risk because many of her fellow senior citizens are simply behaving badly.

Take John “Sonny” Franzese for example.

Sonny, 93, was convicted last week in New York of racketeering and conspiracy. Never mind that he was nicknamed “Nod Father” by the Daily News because he kept falling asleep during his trial. The court heard that he shook down strip clubs and pizzerias, was once a friend of Frank “Currently Dead But Still the Greatest” Sinatra and had a stake in the classic porn film “Death Throat”.

We don’t know whether Sonny also likes to shake down the ladies. But cases of STDs are exploding amongst the senior set, thanks to the tidal wave of Viagra drugs and an epidemic of unprotected, and very wrinkled, senior sex.


A disturbing Reuters news report – which actually uses “annals”, “swelling” and “up” in a story about senior citizens and STDs – warns that the number of new cases of STDs per 10,000 men over age 40 was up almost 50% since 1996.

Dr. Anupam B. Jena of Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, who led this study, says that older men on erectile dysfunction drugs are twice as likely to contract an STD as older men who didn’t take them (the “limp noodle” control group).

We can have great confidence in Dr Jena’s expertise in this area because the letters in her name can be re-arranged to spell “Aha Jab Men Up” and “Pajama Bun Eh”.

Clearly, the number of sexy seniors likely to rise (HAR) to 130 years old will drop off (HAR) if this wanton sexual behavior continues.

Are you listening Larry King? Ewwww.

2 Responses to “Wrinkles Offer No Protection Against Crime or STDs. Ewwww.”

  1. Anonymous says:

    No way. Joan Rivers IS the oldest woman on the planet. If her supply of botox ever runs out, the flood of flesh will cover 90% of L.A. Gross… But funny post!

  2. NZMoores says:

    Testing. It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly a shot rang out…

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