Wiffle Ball and Cyrano the Love-Starved Black Poodle

We must have played a million Wiffle ball games in the Edwards’ back yard every summer. It was big and wide-open.

Fenway Park had its Green Monster in left field, but the Edwards’ right field fence was even MORE daunting.

Behind it lived Cyrano, the horny, and much-hated, giant black poodle.

Most days, you never saw or heard Cyrano. 

But if you smashed the Wiffle ball too far right, or too high and the Oklahoma wind caught it, it would land in Cyrano’s back yard boudoir

That always led to great humiliation for the batter.

He had to walk to the left side of the four-foot-tall cyclone fence and wait. 

Someone else would go to the other end and pretend to climb the fence, drawing Cyrano’s attention, and creating a stirring his French loins.

The batter would quickly leap into Cyrano’s yard, race to get the Wiffle ball, chuck it back over the fence, and then try like crazy to leap over the fence before Cyrano could mount him.

Sadly, it almost never happened.

What did happen was that Cyrano would stand about 6-foot tall on his hind legs, wrap his front legs around you and start humping. 

He was way bigger than any of us kids. If you fought him, he would growl and act like he was going to bite your head off.

It was humiliating. But somebody had to get the ball or the game was over. So you did what you had to do.

Meanwhile, your friends would be helping out by shouting clever things like: “I didn’t know you two lovebirds were married!”

Eventually, after you’d been properly humiliated, the guy at the other end of the fence would jump into Cyrano’s yard to get his attention.

While Cyrano was racing toward the new kid, with lust in his evil, black eyes, both kids had to leap back into the safety of the Edwards’ yard. 

A friend of mine in another neighborhood had his own Wiffle ball problems with a neighbor’s bulldog.

On his street, if you mishit the Wiffle ball, he said Duke would eat it. Game over.

What is it with dogs and Wiffle balls?  




4 Responses to “Wiffle Ball and Cyrano the Love-Starved Black Poodle”

  1. Kris says:

    OK, the entire post is about this giant black poodle who humped small boys.

    But then at the end, you say that giant black poodles really suck.

    So where’s THAT part of the story?


  2. kathygee1 says:

    Good story, but I beg to differ…
    I have two giant poodles. They are awesome. They would never hump anyone. 😉

    • hams says:

      Kathy, please listen closely. If either of them is named Cyrano, do NOT turn your back on them, ever. Especially if there is a Wiffle ball anywhere near. Stupid humping giant poodles.

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