What is it with Men?

I know women are fond of asking that headline question, while rolling their eyes back into their heads and spraying estrogen around the room.

But it’s a fair question.

Why do men do stupid, risky things when, despite what the estrogen-sprayers think, we really do know better?

Case in point.

While I was mowing the yard yesterday, I noticed a couple of errant branches and hanging ivy that needed to be cut. So after I finished mowing, I grabbed the manual hedge clippers for the five minute task.

An hour later, I had worked my way down the entire fence and circled the house. Yes, I knew it was only a matter of time before the GM Finance would come outside and complain that I had LAST MY MIND.

Tough.

During the trimming, I also realized that the front yard was again becoming a bog.

It means that the rainy New Zealand winter is approaching, and the primordial jungle that surrounds us has to be viciously whacked back so the house gets at least some sunlight, else it will be eaten alive by mold.

So I got out the big gun – the 20-foot-extension lopper.  To do battle with Mother Nature, you have to get up on the roof and hold the lopper way out sort of sideways.

And even then, you have to scoot to the edge of the roof, then lean way out with the lopper, to trim those critical last few limbs that are always out of reach.

Just hanging there.  Taunting you.  “What about us, gurly man? Can’t reach us? Nanner nanner.”

Now, I may getting old, but I do NOT take backtalk from any stupid plant.

So I held onto the house as best I could and reached way out. I’m talking way out so that I would either be able to clip the offending branches or I would plummet to my death and leave my wife a widow.

It was really bad luck more than poor planning that I was wearing my lawn-mowing boots, which don’t exactly hold traction on a slick tin roof.

It was good luck that the ground way below was as boggy as a marsh. Like falling right onto a big fluffy bed.

Right next to all the sharp cutting tools I had previously dropped.  And the pets, who were looking more than a bit nervous.

So, again, I have to ask the question: What is it with men?  Why do we do the things that we do?

Alas, I have no answer.

But what I do have is a 10 foot buffer between my house and Mother Nature. And that counts for something.

“Who’s your Daddy, stupid plants?”




6 Responses to “What is it with Men?”

  1. Hilarious and yet I could totally relate!! This is exactly how I feel regarding the fight with my tree branches!!

  2. hams says:

    Of course, that was a metaphor. No sane man would actually keep score in regards to cutting limbs. That would by crazy. Even if the branches were really out of line with all the mocking. Stupid plants. And why can’t I SEE? COUGH! And what is that suffocating pink mist? Gasp.

  3. Vesta Vayne says:

    Man 21, Stupid Mocking Plants, 13

    And who, might I ask, was keeping score? Because you seem a bit biased if you ask me (which you didn’t, but back off before I spray you with estrogen).

  4. Kris says:

    Snort.

    This: I knew it was only a matter of time before the GM Finance would complain that I had cut something that she and Mother Nature had intended to grow WAY BIG.

    You are my husband.

    He is forever IGNORING the gardening tasks (like weeding) that actually must be accomplished in favor of chopping things down that are supposed to stay tall and standing and green.

    Luckily, he is afraid of heights, or he would so be on our roof hacking everything he can reach.

    He does enough damage down here on the ground.

    Sigh.

    Kris

    • hams says:

      Weeding is so mundane. Men like killing Raptors. So if we must battle greenery, it must be blood sport. And you have to expect casualties.

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