Posts Tagged Sheep


New Zealand’s Top 10 Deadly Dangers Including Palm Fronds & Breast Milk

Somehow, we did not fry to a crackly crunch when the killer horror solar flare hit New Zealand. But we are still at risk. Death lurks everywhere, namely: 1. As I looked out my home office window into the back yard this morning, I saw a killer palm frond the size of Buick plummet to […]

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10 Things You Really Should Know About New Zealand

1. They say “poo” instead of “poop” here, and “Zed” instead of the letter Z (which, deep down, probably explains a lot.) 2. New Zealand is NOT part of Australia. In fact, New Zealand is to Australia what Canada is to America, what Texas is to Oklahoma, what Dr Pepper is to Coke. Confusing the […]

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10 Tips for Rugby World Cup Visitors to New Zealand

1. Just to be clear. If our All Blacks don’t win the Cup this time, all 4.5 million of us kiwis will commit suicide. Do you really want that on your conscience? 2. We hope you enjoy our brilliant new rugby and entertainment facilities. They’re beaut. 3. Since you last visited NZ in 1987, when […]

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Hillary Does New Zealand: Lovely Country. Where are Hobbits? I had NOTHING to do with Election results!

Hillary Clinton in New Zealand, NOT campaigning at all, but very keen to flog U.S. Treasury notes, and donate to a home for unwed mothers that Bill so loves.

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Killer Horror Solar Tsunami, Planned Iran War, Oklahoma Dirt Dooms Us All

If you can read this, it probably means you are not dead. Yet. And that’s surprising considering: – the impending killer horror solar tsunami – the impending killer horror nuclear war with Iran (or was it Iraq?)– the impending killer horror EPA attack on Oklahoma’s dirt. Fox News wasn’t clear at press time whether or […]

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Top 10 Cures for Insomnia

1) Lie in bed and count Larry King’s ex-wives as they leap over his industrial strength hair. 2) Turn on the Glenn Beck program. On second thought, tune in this guy. Same programming. 3) Men, try to think of a single female politician that you’d like to have insomnia with, if you catch our drift, […]

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10 props for New Zealand

10 reasons New Zealand is better: 1) Our defense force is led by non-nuclear Hobbits, Orcs and Ents. 2) Everyone wants to COME here, but we are so far away that only a SELECT FEW ever get here. 3) Kiwi Ernest Rutherford was first to split the atom, but we are a non-nuclear country (see […]

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