Posts Tagged OkieBoomer


‘Lent’ Me Your Ears

Our record for Lent is pretty spotty over the last couple of decades because we have made some very, very bad decisions. There was the year that we gave up sex for Lent. If our memory is correct, that’s the year that we killed 900 people and got divorced. So overall, not so good. That […]

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The Big Lady With Purple Hair

Yesterday, I was shopping in our version of Walmart when I saw her. The first thing I noticed was her short, purple hair. Then the “circus tent” dress, her 350-pound bulk, and the painfully swollen feet that were somehow stuffed into brightly colored Crocs. I thought to myself, “I bet Mom would have loved this lady.”

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Scattershooting At The Mall, Wondering Whatever Happened to Grover Scomer, and Feeling the Need to Point Out…

How can you talk to young people about ‘Scattershooting’ when they have no idea who Blackie Sherrod was? Now that we have all seen Kim Kardashian’s entire buttooskies, Ebola is just not that scary. Not many people can say they have personally shaken hands with Ronald McDonald and Peter Andre, on the same day. I […]

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Happy Potamus Day, Son!

  Now THAT is the cover of the greatest ‘Happy 26th Birthday’ card ever! And BELOW are the inside pages to said card.     Because that’s how we roll in New Zealand. This is because, when we moved here two decades ago, birthday cards were boring, stupid and outrageously priced. That led to the […]

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There Was — and IS — Nobody Like Betty Pat Gatliff!

When I was little, I’d see Betty Pat every Christmas Eve at Aunt Mackie’s. I have no idea how she fit into our family. As far as I know, she wasn’t actually kin, but she was like a celebrity or something. Most Christmas Eves, Betty Pat would arrive fashionably late and create such a stir. […]

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One of these Days I’m Gonna…

In no particular order: … Go to the dentist. Get my teeth cleaned. Maybe get the dentist to figure out why anytime I eat meat, about half the animal gets stuck between my teeth and gum. For about a day. Which drives me insane. … Finish the “Fence That Never Ends” in the backyard, redo […]

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Moms Make it Better

I need my M++ommy. It doesn’t matter than I am 58 years old. Or that Mom went to God in 1996. What matters is I have been down with lung gunk for three weeks now, and I need my Mommy. Because she always made it better when I was sick. Bad tummy? Dry toast and flat […]

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