Posts Tagged new zealand humor


A Cold, Naked Man and His Nefa Valve Down Under

Chronically low water pressure and this stupid shower head have been the bane of my existence for 15 years. Things are bad enough during the summer months: I defy you to get all the soap off your body, even if you push right up against the wall to get directly under the shower head. But […]

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Chickens Are Inevitable; So Don’t Squawk

What is it with women and chickens? My Singaporean Missus has wanted chickens for as long as I can remember. So, counting her, that raises the number of “pro-chicken” voters in my household to one. I am in the “Over my dead chicken pluckin’ body will we have chickens” demographic. Thankfully, I have managed […]

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HOG TREK — Boldly Going Where Only The Missus Has Gone Before

HOGS’ LOG HOGFLEET HOGDATE 3.11.2014 We put MissusFleet on a plane to Singapore 11 days ago. Since then, we have boldly gone where only the Missus has gone before. Our Mission will end on tomorrow night when she returns, unless we have destroyed the house, and, potentially, the universe by then, because we have a […]

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The Day the Super-Cute Crack Puppies Turned Into Werewolf-Lion-Zombie Duck-Eaters

I swear I thought the Missus had said the doglettes did not mind the duck family that she had adopted, which have eaten my bread and shat on my driveway with abandon for a week. Wouldn’t it be cute, I thought, to get the doglettes to walk near the ducks so I could take a […]

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The Fence That Never Ends

Remember The Song that Never Ends, the children’s song that bores into your head and makes you insane? Well this is The Fence That Never Ends. If it looks like I am trying to fence a vast primordial jungle, that’s just distortion from the camera lens. My back yard is way bigger than that. By […]

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10 Tips for Rugby World Cup Visitors to New Zealand

1. Just to be clear. If our All Blacks don’t win the Cup this time, all 4.5 million of us kiwis will commit suicide. Do you really want that on your conscience? 2. We hope you enjoy our brilliant new rugby and entertainment facilities. They’re beaut. 3. Since you last visited NZ in 1987, when […]

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