Posts Tagged har


Why Women Could Never be Dave Barry, Me, or *Uranus

So Dave Barry and I are soaking our stiff necks in the bathtub this morning, and we think of 10 reasons why women could never be men. Starting with necks. (We get to *Uranus later). 1. At the first sign of neck stiffness, women would call all their friends, analyze the problem, share the names […]

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Hillary Does New Zealand: Lovely Country. Where are Hobbits? I had NOTHING to do with Election results!

Hillary Clinton in New Zealand, NOT campaigning at all, but very keen to flog U.S. Treasury notes, and donate to a home for unwed mothers that Bill so loves.

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It’s ‘Segway’ not karma: Be careful what you make because it will kill you

The word “karma” is way overused and outdated. I propose we say “Segway” instead to make it more current. As in, “That had to be ‘Segway’ from actions in James Heselden’s past life, what with him owning the Segway company and dying when he ‘Segwayed’ off a cliff in River Wharfe.” West Yorkshire police do […]

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‘Set to Become World’s Most Powerful Woman?’

Oh Geez, with that headline, it has to be another story about Hillary Clinton, thought I. She’s always in the third world, doing Secretary of State stuff, trying to keep her husband away from soggy young female flood victims, and quietly sourcing sweatshop labor for her 2012 presidential run. Hillary has power, right? Then I […]

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Blowin’ in the wind, and missing thunder boomers

I thought it was a dog. Or a kid. It just blasted across the road, right to left. The car in front had to slam on its brakes to miss it. Turns out, it was a big box moving at high velocity, powered by blustery winds. It reminded me of one of the things that […]

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Gaga, Cher, Justin at Meat TV Awards

Let’s see. What’s in entertainment news? Lady Gaga contracts hoof and mouth disease at MTV awards. She is featured in a meat dress that showcases her rump roast, and glams it up with armadillo high heels featuring 12-inch stilettos. Slaughterhouse meets road kill fashion. Yummm. Cher, at 64, wears the same Fredericks of Hollywood see-through […]

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Questions for your 50s: Where are the car keys? Isn’t he dead yet?

George Clooney just turned 50. I hate him. He still looks like, well, himself. Me and my old friends, not so much. Except mebbe in our minds. That was recently brought home to a tall, still-studly buddy of mine. He was at a social function when a pretty high school girl offered him her chair […]

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