Scattershooting with Dead Morgan Freeman

Scattershooting while wondering if Morgan Freeman is dead again. (I have been off the internets today). And yes, most of these are Hog Tweets. See what you have been missing?

    • We are to the point that the only people who can read those stupid Captcha phrases are the spambots they are supposed to be screening.
    • I’ve been mocked for keeping a Post It note over my laptop camera when it’s not in use. In my book, a little paranoia is a good thing.
    • Fourth Century Parchment Includes The Words, “Jesus” and “Chevy Volt”. Harvard expert confirms that Christ must have driven a Volt. Every news media in the universe covers the HUGE SCOOP.
    • Obama: Beyonce “couldn’t be a better role model for our daughters”. Maybe for YOUR daughters, buddy. …
    • Everything you wanted to know about HOGS but were afraid to ask, possibly because of your bacon allergy.

  • It has been several DAYS since Apple launched a new #iPhone. They have really gotten slack since Steve Jobs passed away.
  • Art I can appreciate. It involves monkeys. …
  • 51.1% of Americans believe that 49.9% of Americans are maroons. This does not bode well, people. And no, you can’t all come to New Zealand.
  • Forget the debates. Wrap Obama and Romney in bubblewrap and make them run through three red states and tree blue states. Last man with a bubble wins. Makes as much sense as the system we’ve got now.
  • I miss Fred Sanford. And, sadly, I am starting to walk like him.
  • ‘Ships from 30 nations sweep mines in Persian Gulf in warning to Tehran’. Personally, I think nuking Iran would be a better warning to Iran.
  • One share in Apple is now worth way more than my first car. Not sure what that means…
  • If you need to unlock your new iPhone, this is the best and cheapest way.
  • Watched The Road the other night. Note to self: do NOT let Junior choose the next movie. His choices are WAY too thought-provoking. (Note: back on track – watched MIB III last night)
  • Fifty Shades of Meh. By Jerry Jones. Owner and GM of your Dallas Cowboys. Sigh.
  • Two sisters, two small dogs, one man cub and moi, all under one roof. Mine. Whoa.
  • “I opened my mouth and heard you come out.” Junior said to me this week, and it was not a compliment. Sigh from the depths of your soul, sigh.
  • Remember what I said about the Cowboys always breaking your heart? Stupid heart-breaking Cowboys.
  • I miss Marvin Zindler and his famous, “Slime in the Ice Machine” shout out. What made Houston great! …
  • We had two actual, back-to-back thunder claps in Auckland tonight. Not quite Okie Boomers, but better than nothing.
  • You know how cats behave when theg are mad at you? Thats how the Crack Puppy is acting. She does NOT like having the sister’s dog as a guest.
  • You know when Arab sounding guys call in bomb threats? Wouldn’t it be great if police had a red button that would blow their beards off?
  • It is TRAGIC when you actually look forward to receiving emails from SeniorNet because of all the useful material.
  • You’re 21. Driving a pink convertible Eldorado. In Las Vegas. What could go wrong? …
  • If I mix Red Bull with Gaviscon, I may be able to survive a late night dinner at the Indian restaurant. Fingers and bowels crossed.
  • Did you see that story about the “service cats” that helped save lives on 9/11? Me neither. Stupid cats.
  • Angelina Jolie is starting to look like a stick figure with Julia Robert’s lips. Not good.
  • Quiz time. Who is more screwed up? Him? Or Her? Operators, and counselors, are standing by. …
  • We hear that Bill Clinton has seized the microphone at the Paralympics closing ceremonies & is talking about growing up a deafblind amputee
  • Come to think of it, I don’t recall Bill Clinton every actually ending his “goodbye from the Oval Office” speech. Is he still president?
  • I am NOT better off than I was four years ago. And I am in New Zealand. So what does THAT tell you about Obama?
  • Could somebody please check whether Bill Clinton has finished his DNC speech, and if Clint Eastwood has found a matching table yet?
  • I simply cannot put down the 14 yr old Moosedawg. Despite his brain farts & tumors & stuff, many of his parts work WAY better than mine.
  • Over and out. Judging from our track record, this will probably be our last blog post ever. Roger that. …
  • I will never like putting junior on a plane, but I will always like picking him up at the airport, regardless of the time. It’s being a Dad.
  • Bill Clinton needs to go to McDonald’s urgently. The skinnier he gets, the creepier he looks.
  • Bill Clinton is impassioned. But so is a weasel around chicken eggs.
  • Monica Lewinsky will be 40 next year. Which means William Jefferson Lincoln Kennedy Roosevelt Clinton is getting a bit long in the tooth.
  • If even one of the Dallas Cowboys’ offensive linemen had guns like Michelle Obama, they might have a chance, but…
  • Clint and New Zealand are trending. It made my day, punk.
  • Sadly, now that I could compete in heaps of Paralympic events, I am too fat and old to be bold for gold.
  • Why do men fall in love? Usually because there’s not a game on.
  • There may be a silver lining to this flu thing. I’ve decided to patent bacon-flavored cough syrup. It will be HUGE. …
  • “Selleck Reluctant to be Magnum.” OK, I’ll do it. I’ll just need a large box to stand on and a squirrel.
  • Long before Curiosity was exploring Mars, Neil Armstrong was walking on the moon. We miss you, Neil. R.I.P. …
  • If your Mom did not make you a big ol’ yella bowl of Banana Pudding when you were a kid, well, I feel sorry for you. …
  • Regardless of the outcome of the election, we need a reality show featuring Joe Biden, a Kardashian and a monkey. Wait, I repeated myself..
  • You know when you’ve been fat so long you cannot remember what it was like to be thin? That.
  • Learned something new tonight. The Crack Puppy does NOT like thunder. But sour cream flavored potato chips calm her right down. Good to know.
  • When you look at Joe Biden, you’re always reminded of John Nance Garner who said, “the vice presidency is not worth a bucket of warm spit.”
  • Caffeine on a stick would suit me. But some people need the hoity toity stuff. …
  • The end.
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2 Responses to “Scattershooting with Dead Morgan Freeman”

  1. Steve D says:

    Well, we know Jesus favored small cars and car pooling, because we read “the apostles were all in one accord.” In Spanish, “take my yoke” is “tomad mi yugo.” So a Volt? why not?

    • hams says:

      I, personally, would like to give several member of the Harvard Divinity School their very own, highly flammable Chevy Volt.

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