Good Friday



When the soldiers had crucified Jesus,
they took his clothes and divided them into four shares,
a share for each soldier.
They also took his tunic, but the tunic was seamless,
woven in one piece from the top down.
So they said to one another,
“Let’s not tear it, but cast lots for it to see whose it will be, “
in order that the passage of Scripture might be fulfilled that says:
They divided my garments among them,
and for my vesture they cast lots.

This is what the soldiers did.

Standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother
and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas,
and Mary of Magdala.
When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple there whom he loved
he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son.”
Then he said to the disciple,
“Behold, your mother.”
And from that hour the disciple took her into his home.

After this, aware that everything was now finished,
in order that the Scripture might be fulfilled,
Jesus said, “I thirst.”
There was a vessel filled with common wine.
So they put a sponge soaked in wine on a sprig of hyssop
and put it up to his mouth.
When Jesus had taken the wine, he said,
“It is finished.”
And bowing his head, he handed over the spirit.

(John 19:23-30)

Ear Goop and Humpy Crack Puppies

Meme -- Cute Always Wins


The duty has fallen to me to put medical ear goop into the Crack Puppy’s left ear.

This is necessary because she is a Maltese/Shih-Tzu cross.

And “Shih-Tzu”, in English, means “making your vet a millionaire”.

So in addition to giving her 3/4 of a phenobarbitone tablet morning and night, wrapped in cheese, for her epilepsy, the blog now has to convince the Crack Puppy:

a) to lie very still in our lap every night as we;

b) ram a nozzle down her ear canal and squeeze goop into it.

Which goes really well, as you can imagine.

A bit like putting drops into Junior’s ears when he was just a baby, except the Crack Puppy is way squishier and lots more expensive than he was.

As we recall, the baby hospital bill was only about $12,000.

Which is chicken feed when it comes to Shih-Tzus (which in English, means “American Express Platinum Cards Accepted Here”).

Plus, our addictively cute Crack Puppy also needs her anal gland squeezed.

A lot.

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Elmo and Cookie Monster in NZ; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle in Houston; Which Was the Deadliest?


elmo cropped 2

My life passed before my eyes last week.

I look around and all of a sudden realized that my normally laid-back New Zealand mall was jammed with people.

Specifically, jammed with Moms, and Dads, and Grandmas, and LOTS of wide-eyed kids.

Plus at least 10,000 strollers.

As a highly trained observer, I quickly scanned the scene for clues.

I saw a colorful, animated sign and huge security guards.


elmo security

Dear Lord, I was standing at Ground Zero, not more than 20 feet from Elmo and Cookie Monster.

And my life truly passed before my eyes.

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Stupid, Evil Goat Heads and Sticker Wars


Somebody posted a photo recently of a goat head, the evil nemesis of my youth.

I cannot hardly express how much I hated those things.

If you grew up in Norman, Oklahoma, you didn’t wear shoes during the summer.

Every now and again, you’d step on those suckers.

They’d stab you right in your heal, and bury the “horns” to the hilt.

When you tried to rip them out, half the time the “horn” would stay embedded in your heel, and blood would start trickling out.

That would cost you important play time, because you’d have to limp home so your Mom could perform surgery, using a needle, tweezers and Methiolate.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, the wound would ache for days, because the evil goat heads had some kind of poison in them.

It was sort of like getting finned by a catfish on your bare foot.

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‘Lent’ Me Your Ears

Our record for Lent is pretty spotty over the last couple of decades because we have made some very, very bad decisions.

There was the year that we gave up sex for Lent. If our memory is correct, that’s the year that we killed 900 people and got divorced. So overall, not so good.

That was ALMOST as bad as the year that we gave up coffee for Lent. Lord have mercy.

We tried to do that when we were a) drinking maybe 10 cups of coffee a day b) working in a HIGH STRESS P.R. agency and C) trying to keep a low profile because the police were still looking for us for all the people we killed during the “no sex” Lent.

Then there was the Lent we gave up ibuprofen. Can you imagine, a former 128-pound football player from Norman High School — read “broken” — giving up ibuprofen while still mowing and digging and building stuff? Can you say, “moron”?”

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Valentine’s Day Flowers are for Kids; True Love is in the Rubbish Bin



Love means never having to say, “you are SO IRREEEEEETATING.”

Or at least it should near Valentine’s Day.

But the Chinese Missus felt the need to say that again the other day, for perhaps the 10,000th time since we’ve been married.

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Wheelies? Evel Knievel Had Nothing on Me and My Deluxe Renegade Stingray




The bike I got for Christmas when I was about 10 was a rocket.

I could pedal that sucker so fast that my feet were a blur.

It gave me enormous pleasure to outrun a high school kid’s Volkswagen, because I loved speed, and because it drove him crazy.

But it wasn’t enough to be a certified speed merchant, at least on Nebraska Street.

You also needed elevation.

And, for what seemed like an eternity, probably at least two weeks after getting my bike, I could not pop a wheelie. Not even a little one.

That was as bad as being a girl and wearing a frilly dress, or so the older boys mocked.

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