Enough of Hobbits, already.
Time to get back aboard the Geezer Bus, and randomly think:
- Used to, if you had a tattoo, you’d either been in the Navy or in prison. Now, all it means is you’ve been in a tattoo shop.
- If we all limited gift buying to, say, $5 per gift, and we donated the rest to someone locally who needed it, it would not take long to change the world.
- You cannot tell me that the $ sign is used less than all of these — #%*/+ — yet they are on page one of my alleged smart phone’s icons, and the $ sign is on page two, along with these “commonly” used symbols: ¥¢«§^¿®©. So annoying.
- Speaking of tattoos… if I had a dollar for every teenager at the mall without a tattoo, I would have zero dollars.
- Will.i.am. WTF? Does he actually get paid for that crap? And did he actually pay someone for that haircut? Really? Really?
- I read that the average age of the Rolling Stones is older than the Supreme Court justices. Amazing what taxidermists and robotics can do nowadays, huh?
- Every morning, the glorious sun comes up, and we are renewed. Then along comes another Ghangnam Style video, and we find ourselves rooting for End Times.
- If I’d had a daughter, and she’d developed as fast as girls do today, I would have shot 50, maybe 60 young Tom cats before they carted me off to the Big House.
- There is something morally wrong with paying $5 for a cup of coffee unless sex is involved.
- I’d bet big money that the American College of Orthopedic Surgeons is behind Stilettos.
- If a man happens to be at the mall watching a “beauty technician” work on a woman’s face, he wonders if torture or black magic is involved.
- I’m not sure which industry is responsible for creating more evil: fashion, weapons, or television. But I’m pretty sure that someone will combine all three into a reality TV show pretty soon, and they will make billions.
- Why is it that in this era of free love, internet porn and the Kardashians, I see less nekkedness than ever before?
- You know those guys with the giant holes in their ear lobes? Don’t you want to hang them on a coat rack? Or hang your coat on their ear hole?
- You know you are old when you can remember back when Dave Barry was always funny.
- A man could be 110 years old and he would still be all HELLO when a pretty woman breast feeds her baby. We cannot help it.
- You cannot convince me that mankind can invent the iPad and put the Curiosity Rover on Mars, but nobody can create a computer that will warn me BEFORE I have accidentally typed a whole sentence in CAPS. Whoever invented the Caps Lock button should be HORSEWHIPPED.
- I looked at the Elmo guy and knew right away that he had his fingers in more than a puppet.
- People, we are not on the right path when we lose Twinkies but gain Iran as a nuclear power.
- I have never, not for one second, thought girls in Doc Martins were sexy.
- Whoever started the trend of wearing house shoes and PJs in public should be covered with honey and dropped into a ferret cage.
- I take that back. We should cover Cowboys owner Jerry Jones in honey and drop him into the ferret cage, right after every long-suffering Cowboys fan got to taser him.
Geezer bus, out.
Wait.
You’re not getting sex with your coffee?
One of us is doing coffee wrong.
Hmmm.
It is not like you to rub it in. Wait. Yes, it so is.
Unfortunately, I’m seeing more nekkedness than ever. Every time I exit the shower. 🙁
Perhaps I should have qualified that with “other people’s nekkedness.”
Now go put something on, for crying out loud.