Enough of Hobbits, already.

Time to get back aboard the Geezer Bus, and randomly think:

• Used to, if you had a tattoo, you’d either been in the Navy or in prison. Now, all it means is you’ve been in a tattoo shop.

• If we all limited gift buying to, say, $5 per gift, and we donated the rest to someone locally who needed it, it would not take long to change the world.

• You cannot tell me that the $ sign is used less than all of these — #%*/+ — yet they are on page one of my alleged smart phone’s icons, and the $ sign is on page two, along with these “commonly” used symbols: ¥¢«§^¿®©. So annoying.

• Speaking of tattoos… if I had a dollar for every teenager at the mall without a tattoo, I would have zero dollars.

• Will.i.am. WTF? Does he actually get paid for that crap? And did he actually pay someone for that haircut? Really? Really?

• I read that the average age of the Rolling Stones is older than the Supreme Court justices. Amazing what taxidermists and robotics can do nowadays, huh?

• Every morning, the glorious sun comes up, and we are renewed. Then along comes another Ghangnam Style video, and we find ourselves rooting for End Times.

• If I’d had a daughter, and she’d developed as fast as girls do today, I would have shot 50, maybe 60 young Tom cats before they carted me off to the Big House.

• There is something morally wrong with paying $5 for a cup of coffee unless sex is involved.

• I’d bet big money that the American College of Orthopedic Surgeons is behind Stilettos.

• If a man happens to be at the mall watching a “beauty technician” work on a woman’s face, he wonders if torture or black magic is involved.

• I’m not sure which industry is responsible for creating more evil: fashion, weapons, or television. But I’m pretty sure that someone will combine all three into a reality TV show pretty soon, and they will make billions.

• Why is it that in this era of free love, internet porn and the Kardashians, I see less nekkedness than ever before?

• You know those guys with the giant holes in their ear lobes? Don’t you want to hang them on a coat rack? Or hang your coat on their ear hole?

• You know you are old when you can remember back when Dave Barry was always funny.

• A man could be 110 years old and he would still be all HELLO when a pretty woman breast feeds her baby. We cannot help it.

• You cannot convince me that mankind can invent the iPad and put the Curiosity Rover on Mars, but nobody can create a computer that will warn me BEFORE I have accidentally typed a whole sentence in CAPS. Whoever invented the Caps Lock button should be HORSEWHIPPED.

• I looked at the Elmo guy and knew right away that he had his fingers in more than a puppet.

• People, we are not on the right path when we lose Twinkies but gain Iran as a nuclear power.

• I have never, not for one second, thought girls in Doc Martins were sexy.

• Whoever started the trend of wearing house shoes and PJs in public should be covered with honey and dropped into a ferret cage.

• I take that back. We should cover Cowboys owner Jerry Jones in honey and drop him into the ferret cage, right after every long-suffering Cowboys fan got to taser him.

Geezer bus, out.