Father’s Day Hog Tao

* Hog Tao background.

Chapter 14

Look, it cannot be seen – it is beyond form.

Listen, it cannot be heard – it is beyond sound.

Grasp, it cannot be held – it is intangible.

It is the middle-age Dad’s sex life.

And with Fathers’ Day coming up?

Wives, please, no more neck ties.

Unless you’re wearing one.

With only a smile.

Chapter 15

The ancient masters were subtle, mysterious, profound, responsive.

The depth of their knowledge is unfathomable.

Because it is unfathomable,

All we can do is describe their appearance.

They are spent. Like a beached whale.

Must have been a great Father’s Day present.

If you know what we mean.


Chapter 16

Empty yourself of everything.

Let the mind rest at peace.

Because if we had a good Father’s Day.

The 10,000 things don’t worry us.

Yay for hand-made Father’s Day presents!

Now if you could please untie us.

Chapter 17

The very highest is barely known by Fathers.

Then comes that which they know and love.

Then that which is feared.

Then that which is despised.

Chapter 18

When the great Hog Tao is forgotten.

Kindness and morality arise.

When the country is confused and in chaos.

Loyal ministers appear.



Forget we said anything.

Chapter 19

Give up sainthood and renounce wisdom.

And it will be a hundred times better for everyone.

Give up kindness, renounce morality,

And move to Washington, D.C.


Chapter 20

Give up learning and put an end to your troubles.

Is there a difference between yes and no.

Is their a difference between good and evil?

Where are you going with this?

Of course.

*Before anyone blows a Taoist sprocket, please note: I intensely studied the Tao Te Ching as part of my martial arts training in university. It is transcendent. Twice over. But this is a humor blog. So being all serious wouldn’t be the way of Hog Tao. Duh.

2 Responses to “Father’s Day Hog Tao”

  1. Kris says:


    I don’t know how I missed this when it went up.


    You slay me.


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