Eco-Disposing While Totally Getting a Green Hernia

About a decade ago, I bought Junior his first computer.

It was an HP with:

  • a screamer of a chip
  • a monitor that was only slightly larger than Texas Stadium’s Jerrytron
  • every kind of drive then on the market
  • giant stereo speakers that bolted onto the Jerrytron

It was fricken awesome and served Junior until he was well into high school.

At which point it was put out to pasture.

I think the last time we actually used the HP was 2005.

No, actually, that’s when we last turned it on.

It didn’t boot up until late 2006.

Stupid Windows Vista.

So at that point I turned it off.

It has set there unused, collecting dust, ever since.

For years.

Unless, in the debt of night, the late Moosedawg used it to view blue movies about French Poodles.

He was neutered, but he always had a gleam in his eye when a French Poodle strutted her stuff.

Anyways, the reason I am writing about the old HP computer is because the GM Finance has declared another jihad.

This one is against crap stored in our rumpus room (“basement” to you Yanks).

See, her sister is off to East Timor, so we are storing a bunch of their stuff.

This includes a huge Sony Bravia TV which, ironically, I won in a contest, and then sold to her husband so I could buy Junior’s MacBook.

And now, to make room for the Bravia, I have to get rid of Junior’s old HP.

HAVE TO being the operable words because this is a rumpus room cleaning jihad.

So tonight, I will carefully disassemble the computer and remove the hard drive, just in case it contains any of Junior’s awesome music or intellectual property.

Then I will rent a huge crane to lift the 10,000-pound HP color monitor and the 5,000-pound HP computer box.

I will lower them into my Honda, hoping the tonnage does not cause the car to pop a wheelie.

Now, I am a good citizen, but were it up to me, this dinosaur computer gear would probably end up in a dumpster behind the nearest grocery store.

Even though this would be an eco-crime in Clean Green New Zealand punishable by life memberships in Greenpeace AND Peta.

But I have my orders from the GM Finance.

So in the morning, I will strap on my big boy kiwi ecopants and take the gear to the nearby E-waste Fair.

Hopefully, I will offload said electronics without exploding the Honda’s tires or my one remaining back disk. (The others done ‘sploded during the recent fence-building extravaganza.)

After I have done my Glorious Green Duty to Save the Planet, I will doubtless be saluted by the singing of angelic hobbits and unicorns.

And then, probably about 3 a.m. on Sunday, the guy who got the E-waste Fair contract from the government will illegally dump all the dinosaur computer gear in the dumpster behind the nearby supermarket.

Even so, the rumpus room will be sorted.

And my eco-conscience will be clear.


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