Digital Dinosaurs Can Fix America!

I think I’ve figured out how to get America out of the mess it’s in.

It came to me last week.

I had arranged for a client to be interviewed on radio, and I needed to record the interview.

My supply of cassette tapes had dwindled, so I went to the store to get more.

Well, I actually went to five stores, where I had this same conversation with 30-something clerks.

Me: Where are your cassette tapes?

Clerk: The video tapes are over there.

Me: No, I mean radio cassette tapes. Like you put in a cassette player…

Clerk: ???

Me: So you can record something on the radio.

Clerk: ??? We haven’t had those in like three years. I don’t think anyone sells them any more.

Me: So how do you record something off the radio?

Clerk: ???

In the end, I recorded over a Led Zep tape or something.

Shut up.

So after a long, circuitous, painful, pollock-button pushing, dinosaur-being process, I decided that what I need to do next time is:

A) do a fast-and-dirty recording using my cell phone, and then email the digital file to my laptop or

B) download a program that lets you record digital files from radio stations that broadcast over the internet.

I came to this conclusion after several days of research and eating many chewable Panadol and Gaviscon.

And my point?

In my previous jobs, where I was a manager and had 20-something staff all over the place, I would have said, “make sure we capture that interview,” and thus and so, it would have been done.

I would not have had a clue HOW it was done, but it would have BEEN DONE flawlessly.

And when I needed to hear the interview, or see the clips, some young person would have emailed the digital 0’s and 1’s to me and said, “click on the attachment to hear/see the interview.”

Or, better yet, they would have walked into my office, sat done at my computer, and in a few keystrokes, Bingo, it would have started playing.

Like magic.

And later, after I had lost the file, they would have come back into my office and found it again.

Like magic.

But now that I am now a one-man-band, operating from an empty nest, there is NO TECHNICAL SUPPORT.

And that means, very frequently, that despite my best efforts at making technology, nothing gets done.

And therein lies the beauty of my solution for fixing America.


If, all of a sudden, everyone under the age of, say, 33, who works in Washington, D.C., is let go, Congress would almost immediately have to close shop.

No one would know how to turn on the computers, much less mark-up a Bill. (How do you do the line-through thing again? No, not the underline thing.  The line-through editing thing?).

If there were no twenty-somethings working in the White House or the IRS, do you actually think the latest scandal would have happened?

The President, or one of his Senior Staff, would have met with the Appointed Senior Staff at the IRS, and they would have agreed that no one should ever snoop on organizations that have  “Tea Party” or “Patriot” in their names, which is code for “this should be done immediately, Code Red.”

But when they tried to get someone to actually DO the techno-snooping, no one would have been able to do it.

The senior staff members would have tried to do it, about noon, after they had finally figured out how to make the coffee machines work  (Did you know they don’t use Mr Coffee filters anymore? Can you believe that?)…

But there is no way that they could have pulled off the crime.

Or marked-up Bills.

Or passed laws.

Or made decent coffee.

So, my fellow Patriots, if you have any twenty-somethings in your house or, even better, grandkids. you should have them immediately put on their Google Glasses and teleport to Washington, D.C. (that’s what those glasses are for, right?), and get SOMEONE to fire everyone under 33.

And when they get back home, you should break their Google Glasses, and send them to their rooms.

Right after they make you a nice espresso.

Within a few weeks, America will be back on track.

I know, right?

Am I a genius or what?


2 Responses to “Digital Dinosaurs Can Fix America!”

  1. Carrie says:

    When I first saw “cassette tape” I was all…ARE YOU KIDDING??

    I’m well out of my 30’s. Kinda hung up in my 40’s. And work with a co-worker who is 23. She’s brilliant and I have no idea where her brilliance comes from. She’s just smart.

    And she makes me look smart sometimes.

    So, I agree and totally get what you’re saying. It’d be a totally different government.

    (Yeah. You’re a genius.)

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