Archive for the Slightly insane Category


10 Tips to Avoid Christmas Party Disasters!

You did it again. In a moment of joyful, early-December Christmas spirit — the eggnog was on sale and you’d forgotten all about Aunt Edna and last year’s tragic exploding turkey — you agreed to host the family Christmas party. Obviously, you are doomed. But in a heartfelt effort to write a blog post while […]

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10 Great Reasons to Ask Santa for an Artificial Arm This Christmas!

So, Christmas is approaching, and you are wondering whether it would be totally bitchin if *Santa brought you an artificial arm. Don’t be stupid. Of course the answer is YES. Here are 10 proofs. 1. When there’s a wounded bee or scorpion or rattlesnake on the floor, while others are freaking out, you can casually […]

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Bloggess 999,999 — Douchecanoe PR 0

Everybody hates P.R. C’mon, admit it. P.R. people are smarmy and glazed and pressed and vacuum sealed and wear stilletos when they shower (at least the men). And I have first-hand experience after decades in the business trade craft red light district. Worse, I turned on the red light after working for newspapers in Texas, […]

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Hogs’ Bucket List – Part 1

1. Kiss a pig. 2. Take a leak off the Great Wall of China. 3. Taser at least one Kardashian sister. 4. Drink a beer from every country in the world. 5. Get a space-age prostate treatment so I can pee all these beers. 6. Get Wendi Deng to bitch slap Gok. 7. Go on […]

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10 (Bad) Reasons Wendi Deng is tougher than Chuck Norris

1. Chuck Norris killed men. Wendi’s been sleeping with a dead man for years. 2. When News of the World hacked Chuck Norris’ phone, they used Wendi’s Deng. 3. Chuck Norris would never hit a man carrying a cream pie.

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Why Women Could Never be Dave Barry, Me, or *Uranus

So Dave Barry and I are soaking our stiff necks in the bathtub this morning, and we think of 10 reasons why women could never be men. Starting with necks. (We get to *Uranus later). 1. At the first sign of neck stiffness, women would call all their friends, analyze the problem, share the names […]

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Hog Tao 2 – the Sequel

* Hog Tao background. … SIX The valley spirit never dies. It is the woman, primal mother. Earth Mother cannot die. Not NOW. Not with Oprah’s cable channel sucking wind.

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