Archive for the Mid-50s Denny Crane Category


Questions That Haunt Me

  Are you supposed to send checks to people who retweet your Twitter tweets and ponies to the people who give you Facebook likes, or vice versa? I need to know soon, because the ponies out back are getting really loud. How can we have a SHRED of respect for so-called “Millenials” when they, overwhelming, […]

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Do You HEAR Me Dripping Adrenaline?

It’s late. I’m relaxing in the recliner. Reading. Sort of. Zzzzzzzz. Hearing aids are out. Because I do not want to be disturbed. Happy sigh. But then I hear something disturbing.

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A Sad Thing Happened Today in New Zealand

It was crappy, cold, rainy weather. Bumper-to-bumper, rush-hour traffic on Blockhouse Bay Road, my thoroughfare going home. All I could think about was taking some Panadol, and crashing out with a heating pad on my aching neck. So much bloody traffic. Then I saw him. A really old man, broken down on the other side […]

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‘Lent’ Me Your Ears

Our record for Lent is pretty spotty over the last couple of decades because we have made some very, very bad decisions. There was the year that we gave up sex for Lent. If our memory is correct, that’s the year that we killed 900 people and got divorced. So overall, not so good. That […]

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Valentine’s Day Flowers are for Kids; True Love is in the Rubbish Bin

  Love means never having to say, “you are SO IRREEEEEETATING.” Or at least it should near Valentine’s Day. But the Chinese Missus felt the need to say that again the other day, for perhaps the 10,000th time since we’ve been married.

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Junior Be Cruisin’ De World, Playing Dem Songs

    Junior emailed me this morning that he would go ashore in Ecuador and Skype us in the afternoon. Which was great, except that he didn’t say whether this would be HIS afternoon in Ecuador or OUR afternoon in New Zealand. As it turns out, it was both — his 6 p.m. and our […]

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Hubba Hubba — The Eyes Have It

  You would not think a new pair of glasses would be that big a deal. But you would be wrong. I allowed the Chinese Fashionista Missus to choose my new specs, and she boldy went where I had never gone before. Big, round and tortoise. Comments on my Facebook page include: “Distinguished”. “Great look.” […]

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