Boosting Boring Oscars With Tasers, Paintball Guns

I’ve seen so many headlines about OTHER movie awards that I thought the Oscars were already over.

I’m bored. But I’ll tune in if they:

o Give Alec Baldwin a telephone and let him get all likkered up before the show
o Give Sean Penn a large mallet to play ‘Whack The Mole’ with 100 paparazzi
o Spike pre-Oscar drinks with a Botox antidote, so we can watch tons of facial flab fall the floor.
o Gary Busey gets a megaphone to announce stars arriving on the red carpet, and Ryan Seacrest gets a Gary-sized taser, and many refills
o Afterward, all Oscar winners have to run a gauntlet made up of nominees who lost and who are armed with paintball guns, cream pies and Ryan’s taser.

Now That’s Entertainment…

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