Bold New HOGS Survey Seeks Your Opinions

The following brief survey will help end world hunger and, more importantly, remove Kim Kardashian from our lives.

Please click here to take this survey, conducted by SurveyMonkey.

And if you are a skeptical type who does not believe it really is a survey, I like you a lot.

So I have added the actual questions below.

But if you want to actually take the survey, so that results can be tabulated and reported back, and so that we can get rid of Kim Kardashian, you MUST click here and take the survey on line.

Because thems the rules.

Now off you go…

(From the Actual Survey)

1. Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Rick Perry, Dallas Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones and Jack the Hammer (the smaller badly behaved dog dressed in assless chaps at PrettyAllTrue) walk into the debating room. You only have one rope. Who do you hog-tie for the good of all humanity?

o Mitt Romney
o Ron Paul
o Rick Perry
o Jerry Jones
o Jack The Hammer
o Other (please specify)

2. No one is saying that Kim Kardashian should be dropped from way, way up high onto a slab of steel-reinforced concrete. But if we all chipped in and someone were to arrange it, should Kimbo be dropped from:

o The top of Kris Humphries (who would be wearing a very pointy Kaiser hat)
o The Empire State Building
o The recommissioned Space Shuttle Endeavor
o All of the above, quickly followed by the release of a very large anvil

3. If Dean Blevins had not parlayed his athletic success at Oklahoma University into an Emmy Award winning sportscasting career, he would most likely have achieved enormous success as a:

o High School Football Coach
o Professional Golfer
o J.C. Penney Underwear Model
o Gay Porn Star

4. You are President of the United States for only 5 minutes. What single action will you take while in the Oval Office?

o Order the destruction of all U.S. nuclear weapons
o Earmark $10 trillion to end hunger within 30 days
o Sign an Executive Order that protects, in perpetuity, the production of Twinkies, Ho Hos and Ding Dongs
o Nationalize MGM Studios and produce an epic adult film co-starring Dean The Stream Blevins and Jack The Hammer.

5. The Mayans were right. The world is about to end. You will devote your final moments on this Earth to:

o A deep and contemplative prayer seeking personal forgiveness and the salvation of all souls
o Phoning all friends and family members to tell them how much you love them
o Driving to Cowboys Stadium and bitch-slapping Owner & GM Jerry Jones with a 3-day-old mackerel
o Giving treats and hugs and walkies to the Crack Puppy because she is soooooooo cuuuuute

6. If you were to die and come back as food, you would be a:

o Chicken enchilada covered with sour cream, onions, chives and chilis. (There is NO other answer)

7. On a scale of 1-5, with 1 being ‘Hate With Every Fiber of Your Being’, and 5 being ‘Love More Than Dean Blevins, Chicken Enchiladas and the Crack Puppy Combined’, how would you rate the Season 1 performance of Steve Jones, the douchecanoe Welsh host on the X Factor?

o 1
o 2
o 3
o 4
o 5

8. Final Question. How would you prefer to contribute to HogsAteMySister:

o By clicking on the Donate button AT TOP LEFT and using your credit card or PayPal
o By flying over Hogs’ house in New Zealand and dropping bales of $100 bills into his back yard
o By paying a large “finder’s fee” to Hogs for the return of your personal, very private and secret, internet viewing details (which were obtained by Mark Zuckerberg as you completed this survey), so that they never fall into the hands of your boss, spouse, parents, children or pastor.

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7 Responses to “Bold New HOGS Survey Seeks Your Opinions”

  1. Kris says:

    Ok, I love love love that this is an actual survey.

    Happy sighs.

    • Karen says:

      Not to mention, Important.

    • Karen says:

      Bill, I don’t know about the laws in NZ regarding one person causing another to have emotional trauma. I don’t know if we would have to go before The Hague or if we could still just go to the Student Council. What I DO know is that the mental image of Dean doing gay porn has caused irreparable harm to my psyche.


      • hams says:

        Management can take no responsibility for mental images that cause irreparable harm to your psyche. But following on from Sudie’s comment about Dean’s perfect hair for that career choice… Add Donald Trump to your mental image. Dressed as a sheep. Did that help? BTW, neither the Hague nor the Student Council is recognized in Nu Zillans. Nanner nanner nanner.

    • hams says:

      And one day I hope to figure where you have to go on the intertubes to find the survey results. The Monkey does not make that clear.

  2. Kris says:

    Hee hee!

    Have I mentioned lately that I like you quite a bit?

    Hold on, let me go back to see if there is a way to actually take this survey of yours.


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