10 Sights, Smells and Sounds of Christmas Time in NZ

1.You would need a crowbar to force anything bigger than a raisin into the fridge. Leftovers rule.

2. Naps also rule. And, I hate to brag at Christmas, but Junior and I may well have set a world tag-team Nap Off record. I cranked off a 90-minute nap that lasted until the Missus just could not stand it and forced the Crack Puppy to bark in my ear. My sleep-deprived Man Cub left me for dead, napping for 2-plus hours. Even more impressive, on waking he was so groggy he thought he’d slept straight through to 6pm. He had no memory of morning Mass or the four-family lunch. Seriously, these were world champeenship naps.

3. That lovely, piney fresh Christmas Tree smell that was just awesome for two weeks has now mutated into pine-scented napalm able to make your nose and eyes run from 50 feet. By New Year’s Day it will be able to combust your sinuses and attract squirrels right into the front room.

4. I love the tell-tale signs that Junior is home for Christmas: wadded up tissues, tall plastic cups, and action figures dot the house. And they make me smile. Even the snot rags.

5. You know those ominous creaking sounds that submarines make when they are diving way deeper than they are supposed to? That sound of metal being pushed beyond its tensile strength? That is the sound my pants are now making. (Why yes. Yes, I believe I’ll have another brownie, thanks.)

6. “White Christmas” has to be the best Christmas movie ever, if you like Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, Rosemary Clooney and Vera-Ellen. And we do. So watching this movie has become a family tradition. Surprisingly, watching the Bourne trilogy has also become a tradition, at least for Junior and me, so 2am bedtimes are common. Jason Bourne is so worth it.

7. Christmas would simply not be Christmas without Bing crooning away on every stereo in the house. Unless Junior is tickling the keys, playing a few Christmas favorites. Plus awesomeness like a jazz-funk version of James Tailor’s Steamroller, “a churnin’ urn of burnin’ funk.” Because that’s how we roll in Nu Zillans.

8. Our annual Christmas party that every year is NOT going to be held, because it is SO STRESSFUL, is indeed held and loved by everyone. Except possibly the Crack Puppy who, true to her breeding, insists on barking like crazy at the first dozen or so guests, even if they are people she has seen 9,000 times. This year, upon the arrival of our first guest, a Korean nun in a full habit, the Crack Puppy went completely, insanely, berserkers and would NOT shut up until said nun fed her lots of cheese. (And thus we know that cheese is holy, so, yes, thanks, I believe I will have some more cheese and crackers and … what is that creaking sound emanating from my pants?)

9. Being Clean, Green New Zealand, and in the Southern Hemisphere, it is, of course, gray and rainy misty yucky every Christmas, which provides additional incentive, as if they were needed, to eat, nap, and watch more movies. The wisdom of age has taught me that pacing yourself is the key. (Note: since we have no pro football to watch on TV, and nature abhors a vacuum, we are required to fill that void with turkey and pie. This is the law. So just pass me some more white meat, thanks).

10. There is a huge, Moosedawg-size hold in Christmas this year, since I had to put Buddy down last month. Sigh. But my ever-thoughtful No.1. Son helped plug that hole by morphing an antlered-up Moosedawg (lower left) that is sort of life size and way cute. P1010319










We trust your family is well into your own 10 point list.

Enjoy and share if you want in comments.

Cheers and HoHoHo.


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