10 Reasons to Hate John Elway

OK, I don’t really HATE John Elway.

But I would not LIKE John Elway if he had 20 pounds of bacon in each pocket, and not just because he hosed Mr. Tebow.

But because:

1. He looks like he opened his mouth and somebody shoved in a grand piano. Backwards.

2. Even though the record books say he won two Super Bowls while I was overseas, what I remember is him leading Denver to about 900 Super Bowl losses.

3. Steve Jobs looked good in black. Johnny Cash looked good in black. John Elway in black looks like this.

4. Gary Busey and John Elway were twins separated at birth. Which is why the photos are interchangeable. Duh.

5. John Elway is co-owner of the Colorado Crush, an arena football club with totally slutty dorky cheerleaders.

6. As a child, John was quite musical, but he decided to focus on football, as per instruction from his father, which is just sad.

7. There is really only one Southpaw QB worth his beer… Which has nothing to do with John Elway, who throws right handed even if he swung a bat left-handed. I totally knew that before I hit the “publish” button.

8. John Elway refuses to pay for urgently needed cosmetic surgery for his son or his dog because he is such a bad man.

9. John Elway is a fake. Before he puts on his makeup, this is how he looks.

10. And, finally, the guy that John Elway hates, is going to be a winner long after Johnny boy’s favorite QB of today is broken.


I feel all better.

So in closing, let me stress that I personally don’t have anything against Mr. Elway.

It’s just that I sort of like the other guy who Mr. Elway hosed.

UPDATE: Broncos Forced to Get Assistance Dog for Peyton. (Maybe naming the dog “Omaha” was a bad idea.)


Click HERE for Curmudgeon humor not involving John Elway.



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